We polish our emails and slide decks, yet the inner speech we broadcast to ourselves all day long shapes just as strongly our decisions, posture and, ultimately, our results.
In coaching, a single word often betrays the belief that limits – or propels – a client. Good news: change the word, and you already start re-programming the thought.
Key idea: the brain “hears” language before it analyses logic. Tweaking form directly steers action.
In this article :
1. Language ↔ thought: permanent dialogue
Classic illustration: “This job carries a 30 % risk of getting a bad manager” versus “This job offers a 70 % chance of working with a good manager.”
Same statistic, second wording triggers curiosity and positive projection.
Auto-talk = auto-programming: decoding your internal verbal flow lets you spot patterns that fuel – or sabotage – confidence.
2. The 5 immediate switches
| Risky word / formula | Why it limits | Boost version | Concrete example |
|---|---|---|---|
| no / not / don’t | The brain must first picture the negated object (“giant bear”), thus reinforcing it. | Positive phrasing – what to do instead of what not to do. | “I stay focused on the road” ≠ “I don’t look at my phone.” |
| I can’t / impossible | Fixed truth, locks down solution seeking. | Past or conditional : “I couldn’t yet…” / “What if I tried…?” | “Until now I couldn’t speak in public.” → opens a new scenario. |
| but / however / yet | The listener deletes everything before but. | Connector “and / plus / also” | “Your report is thorough and we can still clarify slide 3.” |
| try / do my best | Implicit permission to quit – fuzzy commitment. | Clear decision (I will / I deliver) | “I’ll deliver the first draft on Friday.” |
| I must / have to / absolutely need to | Implies external constraint → feeling of burden. | Owned choice: “I want / I choose / I plan” | “I plan to finish this file tonight.” (sense of control) |
3. 30-day challenge: how to
- Week 1 – Audit
Each evening jot down three recurring inner phrases. - Week 2 – Targeted replacement
Pick one trap-word (e.g. “but”) and replace it systematically. - Weeks 3-4 – Generalisation
Extend the switch to the four other categories. Set a gentle phone alert twice a day: quick mental scan.
Observed outcomes with my clients: clearer self-talk ➜ drop in anticipatory stress ➜ stronger presence in meetings and pitches.
Next step: PCM® & individual coaching
Want to strengthen both inner dialogue and interpersonal impact for good? The Process Communication Model pinpoints your psychological needs, stress reflexes and the language channel that fits you.
Book your free discovery session and start rewiring your narrative!